More Mystery, Better SexAugust 16 2019
Let's face it, the evidence has been presented in a million different ways and the verdict is in. The longer couples are together and the more familiar they become with each other the more likely it is that their sex lives are going to become more familiar and, inevitably, less interesting and satisfying. Now, being human beings with emotions and feelings that are just part of who we are and very hard to change through the use of logic and pragmatism, there's really very little that we can do to change the fact that, after a while, we lose some of our interest and sexual desire for those that we are in a long term relationship with. And, if we have sworn to have and hold them till death do us part, the prospect of a life of sexual relations with this one person and only this one person for the rest of our natural lives can seem like a bit of a prison sentence. So, the question here is whether or not there is anything that can be done to keep the flames of passion burning hot over the long haul.
The Familiarity Trap
When two people have chosen to become the sole person in the other's life when it comes to sexual relations there is no real way to avoid a certain sense of predictability in their lives. In some senses this can be a comforting thing as, on a certain level, we all desire a sense of calm and predictability in our lives. We want someone we can depend on and who we know will be there for us - someone who you can count on to be there when the chips are down and who you don't have to worry about not being there when you really need them. These qualities are essential to a trusting and loving relationship and they are definitely are endearing but they can also lead to a type of familiarity that is more reminiscent of a friend or family member and not the sexy individual that were seeing the when you first met them.
If You Could Turn Back Time
Yes, for most couples, those early days and nights of their relationship will always hold the most charm as they found themselves engaged with someone who probably seemed like an interesting or even fascinating book which they had never read before but which had the most intriguing cover. Or, maybe even a better description would be a trailer for a movie that, in its brief but exciting glimpses showed you the promise of world that you really wanted to explore more deeply.
Then you saw the movie that was this other person and you like it. You liked it so much that you wanted to see it again. And, then you began hoping for a sequel and you got it as they showed other facets of who they were. And, maybe there were other sequels that explored this character even further and took you on adventures with them. But, eventually, like all good movie characters there came a time when, no matter what kind of location or situation they were put in, they became predictable. Their one liners became a little stale and their solutions to solving the problems at hand became predictable. Inevitably, it comes to the point where you were likely finishing their lines for them. It may be that you have wished that, just like all of your favorite movie characters, you wish you could turn back time and forget most of what you know about them, so that you could relive the magic of those early days all over again.
Bringing Back The Mystery
When one sits down and analyzes their relationship with someone that they have been with for a long time it generally becomes clear their ever growing familiarity may be comforting and reassuring but there's no getting around the fact that it can all become rather boring after having seen it all a million times. So, being the human beings that we are, it's no surprise that having sex with this person can also become rather boring having seen it all a million times, too.
This being the case, the question then becomes - is there any way to make it all less boring? And, even though there are certain things about this other person that will likely never change, there are a number of things that can be done to change the way you see them. For instance, it has been proven that when someone takes on new endeavors that brings a new or improved dimension to who they are they automatically become someone who is different from the person that they were before. Some examples of this are taking up new hobbies that expand their line of thinking and bring a fresh perspective on how they view the world. This might even lead to a new or renewed interest that leads them to start a business or engage in a charity or social movement.
The point here is that many people can, in a sense, reinvent themselves and, while maintaining the best parts of who are, create something new in themselves that changes how they see themselves and how others see them. And, for the one that they hold most dear, this can and often does transform the way they see them as sexual beings.
The bottom line here is that creating a new you, or at least a partially new you, can add a layer of excitement and mystery to who you are that even those who know you best will find it fresh, exciting and, yes, sexy.
So, let's say that your partner has made some significant changes for the better in who they are and you now realize that they are showing a side of them that you have never seen before - a side that you have to admit that you like. The likely result of this is that you will also see them as someone different in the bedroom, too. But, that could all slip away if, when you actually get down to it, they turn out to be the same old lover that they have always been. This is a common occurrence, but it doesn't mean that this part of who they are can't be changed or invigorated. In fact, it has been shown over and over again that people who change one aspect of who they are for the better find it easier to change other aspects of who they are. And, in many cases, it is these other changes and the joy and satisfaction that they bring, that spurs people to try new things that can open doors in other aspects of their lives.
The key factor here is that people who are open to change and relish the idea of new experiences are the ones who we all find most interesting and intriguing. And, if we had seen them as sexy in the first place, it is almost assured that we will find this new and improved version of them to be even more sexy.
The Two-Way Street
From the start we have talked about how relationships suffer sexually after a while due to the simple fact that, as the old saying goes, familiarity breeds contempt. But, when our partners show us a new side to who they are or who they can be, we begin to see them in a new and positive light which often translates into a renewed interest in having sex with them.
The thing is that it's generally great for the person who is watching their partner transform themselves into something new and exciting but how does that make them feel. Obviously, in their minds, the situation has changed, and they may be looking at the other and asking themselves if there is any reason for them to have renewed sexual interest in the partner who has not changed anything about themselves. Of course, this could lead to certain feelings of resentment or even further loss of interest and there is ample evidence of relationships which have crashed and burned in this scenario because one person elevated themselves in some way while the other stood by watching.
So, the key thing to consider in the pursuit of a renewed interest in a relationship between two lovers is that, in order to keep things fresh and to keep discovering new and interesting aspects that you will continue to find sexy, it really should be a two way street where both partners are consciously making attempts at improving and expanding who they are both in the outside world and in the bedroom.
In the end, these types of changes don't have to be earth shattering but they should be ones that help to reshape a person in ways that make them more interesting and remind their partner of the reasons why they chose you in the first place, So, dear readers, get out there and read a book, learn a new language, get involved in your community, start a business, get in better shape, take more pride in your appearance. Whatever it is, do something that tells your partner that you are worth being with and that there is more to who you are than they will ever really know.
For Men Only
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